Screamy update

So, our constantly-screaming, waking herself up screaming, screaming until she passes out, eating every 2 hours for at least an hour baby is screaming because she’s hungry. At our weigh-in today, she’d neither gained nor lost weight since last week.

Went home with another weigh-in appointment, a bunch of formula samples, and a lot of feeling like I’m failing at this.

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14 thoughts on “Screamy update

  1. If you need a pick me up or any guidance just email me. We went through the same thing. After we gave in and ended up switching to formula (because even supplementing wasn’t working) I discovered that apparently most people have this problem, they just don’t talk about it. I only wish I had known that before I had a complete meltdown in the pediatrician’s office. Sue is actually a really really good person to talk to. She apparently had similar issues and being a nurse was able to really really really make it ok.

  2. Alex, please try to relax. Talk to Maegen or Sue about it. For that matter, talk to me! When Maegen was born, I tried to nurse for a month and she screamed (I don’t mean cried) all night, every night! They finally put me back in the hospital the day she turned a month old, so Michael had to wean her on the spot. She calmed right down. In saying all that, I do truly believe that breastmilk is the best for your baby, IF it’s an option. If not, many formula fed babies have grown to be independant adults.

  3. Thanks. What bothers me most about it is that, apart from the screaming and constant nursing (that seemed like part of the hazing ritual of having a newborn), it all seemed like it was going well- appropriate numbers in the pants changes, she would take one long nap, letting me sleep, and it’s the numbers on the scale that I couldn’t see every day that indicated there’s some problem. Because I’d started pumping already, we’re going with feeding totally on one side (suspected foremilk/hindmilk imbalance after talking with Rhiannon), then topping off with an ounce of the pumped stuff, the suggestion at the office. And then, because she took a longer nap than 30 minutes after doing that, I could actually clean the parts and pump some more so I could do the same at the next feeding.
    And she’s not screaming between meals, and I get a break. And my boobs don’t hurt so much.
    I do wish it would get talked about. I think the friends who advertise that their kid never had a drop of formula despite (insert some potentially blocking issue here) make me feel like it’s a “be perfect or you failed” situation. I guess that’s part of having a lot of achievement-motivated engineering friends. (Not that there’s anything wrong with them or that personality trait.)
    One other thing that makes it hard is, when it’s my problem, all I can see is the problem, not the potential causes or solutions. Sure, when I’m working on code or discussing someone else’s problem, I can see many causes to investigate and routes to try, but when it’s my problem, I just see the problem and an irrational worst-case scenario (in this case, it was that she was allergic to something in the samples, had a reaction and exploded before we could do anything about it. I don’t know why anyone would explode from a reaction, but that’s what would happen in my head.)
    I did have a bit of a meltdown in the pediatrician’s office, too.
    We go back Friday morning for another weigh-in.

  4. I can remember waliking in on a friend with a newborn who was attempting to nurse. She was and still is a nurse and she was in the middle of a meltdown just as you described. It is unfortunate that this issue is not more widely discussed as it seems to more common than not. It is not a failure on your part.

  5. I remember the first few months I bought formula I felt like everyone in the grocery store was judging me. Now that we are past that road I realize that anyone that knows me should know that I would do what was best for my baby, whether it be breastfeed, formula feed, etc. So I apply that logic when I see other people. Eli doesn’t sleep in the bed with me and never has, that being said L obviously sleeps with Rhi. I’m cool with that, because I know my sister well enough to know that she is doing what is best for her child and her situation. I do think that people who haven’t had the breastfeeding failure, tend to not understand the situation. They think they do, but they don’t. They don’t get just how sensitive the subject is. I still get pissed when I here/read people going on and on and on about how wonderful it is and how everyone should do it… blah blah blah. My advice is just to do what is best for your situation. It may be supplementing, it may not be.

  6. Not breastfeeding or being able to breast feed does not make you a bad mom and it is not a “failure” by any means. All of this “natural” crap and the pressure to do everything “naturally” (whatever the hell that means) is ridiculous. Do what you need to do. Right now Lena is dependent on her parents just to keep her alive. But as she gets older, you have to do what is best for you, what is best for your hubby, and then what is best for Lena. In that order. You’ll be getting a lot of pressure over the next 18 or so years (yep) to “put baby first” and sacrifice your own life and marriage, and spend tons of $ on this kid to give them a “perfect” life. You’ll be made to feel guilty if you don’t. It’s bullshit and unfortunately what society and ignorant people tell us we should do. Bottom line: Lena will be happy if you and Jeremy are.

  7. I think that what has happened is that the swing back to “breast is best” has somehow taken on this life of “breast is the ONLY OKAY THING EVER!” I agree with the first, I don’t agree with the second. I’ll spend much time fighting for a woman’s right to breastfeed whenever and whereever she should so choose, and I’ll fight very hard for more education to give women the tools they need to breastfeed successfully. The same is true about pregnancy and childbirth… I’ll fight to give women the tools they need to make healthy decisions. And sometimes that means making the choice to just do what you have to do.

    But even knowing that and saying that, I remember when the midwife mentioned that they had some donor milk we could give Lorelei, because my milk hadn’t come in yet and she was jaundiced and hadn’t gained any weight, that I just broke down sobbing. Luckily we worked it out, but it was defintely a case of but for the grace of _insert benevolent being here_ goes I.

  8. I totally agree about the breast feeding education. Wish I’d had access to it with Jana, but the nurses at Union Hospital in Terre Haute in 1984 were mean and made me feel stupid because I could not breastfeed. My mother was not able to breastfeed, and I think her mom couldn’t either, so apparently there is a hereditary thing in my family where the milk comes in just fine, but it has no way to get out! OUCH!!! My breasts got painfully engorged before somebody FINALLY told me I could take pills to dry them up, and to get Jana on some formula immediately before she cried herself to death (literally) and before my boobs blew up. Looking back, I get angry because the nurses just expected me to do it “naturally” and they didn’t bother to ask my family history or tell me options I had if it didn’t work. It was very traumatic. When Katy came along in 1987, I was in a great hospital in Oklahoma City and the whole experience was MUCH better, but by then I had figured out I was physically not able to breastfeed so I was prepared. It was disappointing for me as I really wanted that experience, but there was nothing I could do about it. But, I was never breastfed and neither of my daughters were, and we turned out just fine. 🙂 Will be interesting to see what happens if/when Jana and Katy have kids.

  9. I’m in agreement about the education, too. And one of the formula samples we have has “breast is best” across the front, making me feel more guilty about pulling it out.
    And I realized that my guilt about using formula was about failing at some physical feat I’m supposed to perform. And getting it into my head that it’s not about getting my boobs to provide everything for this kid, it’s about making sure she’s fed. Period.

  10. OMG! Wow! That makes me want to write a very nasty letter to that formula company. What a cruel thing to put on the label! Good for you, though, that you are doing what you need to do. Now I’m gonna look at formula labels…..

  11. Don’t worry, at the same time they’re writing “Breast is best” on the labels, they’re also doing some fairly shady promotion practices. Though, I guess that doesn’t even things out and rather just makes them rather evil hypocrites. (note: not saying formula is evil. Saying that a lot of formula companies are a bit evil. But so are a lot of other companies.)

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