The debate

The current debate at the BS Haus: Stick with one kid, or try for more? And if we do try for more, how many, and when?

Pro more:

  • I cannot imagine having grown up without a sister, or a sibling. I love, love that there’s someone else in the world that I can laugh about our family, our experiences with. Would I be able to laugh about that Christmas where we wanted to play carols on the piano at the Fun Home with Mom, but we couldn’t find the piano because all the room were filled for viewings or, because many people seem to die in the late fall, the rooms and even some halls had bodies in them, and we eventually found the piano in the casket room and had a grand time with carols from an old hymnal, with anyone else besides my sister? Most people have stopped listening with a horrified look on their face a quarter of the way through that story.
  • I waaaaaant another baby, for no reason other than I waaaaaaant one.
  • It’d be nice to try to time this one’s arrival a bit, for summer semester when things are a bit quieter for Jeremy to allow him to teach less.
  • We’d talked about this earlier and had first decided on 3.5 year gap, then decided to push the decision back to 4.5 years… but the comments from coworkers with kids at that gap really bother me, that the kids don’t play together: the older kid is too far removed from those developmental stages (the younger being 2.5 years old, same age as Lena), that they do not play together or even watch similar shows if the parents need to cook dinner or something. To me, one of the benefits of having multiple children has got to be that they play together, so raising singletons for a few years seems to defeat the purpose all together.
  • Waaaaaaaaaant to be pregnant again. I have no idea why, because I hated so much knowing when the neighbors opened the refrigerator.
  • I liked eating french fries for dinner every night for months.
  • I liked having fun with pregnancy, and I liked that Lena was so cool with most things when we went out and did stuff.
  • I have a better idea of when to ask for help, and with what, now. Maybe post-partum wouldn’t be so horrible this time around.
  • Love this little girl so much, I can’t believe we didn’t have

Pro stay with one:

  • She’s so cutie!
  • She thrives so much with the one-on-one attention
  • She doesn’t want a sister or brother, when asked (as expected)
  • I still have a hard time talking about, or thinking about, the full story of her birth. Especially the screaming time. And the horrible midwife. And pulling stitches and the follow-up surgery, which doesn’t include the escaped IUD and that removal surgery.
  • Lena’s so great. And we have no idea that a next kid will even be nearly as awesome as she is. We know how much we have to lose, now, in comparison to the Alien, where we only had an idea of how much we might gain.
  • Would we even like another kid, or just spend all our time comparing the two?
  • I could easily see how one kid would just fit in with our life and we could roll with it, and seeing examples with friends of how one kid still allowed everyone to keep on doing what they were doing (after the initial hiccup of having a newborn). I’m having a harder time seeing how 2 kids just fits in with our lives and would let us keep doing things. I don’t know how much of it is a function of not having time to talk about it because of newborn hiccup, or the oldest kid getting older, or something else.
  • I’m really liking how much control I’ve gotten over my weight/body. I’m starting to like how I look now and I’m not sure that I want to give it up.
  • High doses of Zoloft and a lot of therapy. Maybe things will be different. Maybe they won’t.
  • Fear. There’s a lot of fear. (Cue Elsa.)

So, in conclusion, we’re not of the same mind about another kid, or when to try for another kid if we decide to go for it, from day to day. Today, Lena’s awesome as an only kid. Yesterday, we waaaaaaanted her to have a sibling. The day before that, we disagreed about it.

 

 

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