18, already

And still so far to go. I started re-reading the posts I made when Lena was growing, and I was amazed that I had time to write so much! And so many thoughts!

I felt those little flutters very early again this time (13 weeks), confirmed to be something correct via doppler the next day at an appointment.  At 18 weeks this time, I don’t feel anything very definitive as even maybe-kicks. It all feels very still. I can feel a hard bump that changes location, so I know something’s there.  But I’m still a bit disappointed in the lack of even maybe-kicks.

Morning sickness (the sickness part) didn’t last as long, which was weird. It pretty much disappeared (except the tiredness) around week 9. I want to exercise and run now, until I get outside in the heat and I go “lol, no.” I’ve done a few 5ks and 10ks, and I’d like to do another 5k, but the timing is bad because of this move.

House selling/buying is stressful. I have these feelings of nobody wanting the house, even if we listed it for free. And that someone’s going to way lowball the price, and Jeremy will accept anything that comes toward us, but they’re just going to gut or tear down the house and use the tiny house for their gas-powered lawnmower. Or tear it down, too. We’re not listing it for much more than the 8-cat house sold for (which was nearly 800 sq ft smaller), so if it goes for less than that house, I’ll be very disappointed. WABE is running articles on how pretty much all houses are getting into bidding wars because people want to be in good school districts (check), close in (check, we’re itp), and houses are selling super fast (lol.) So I feel like those articles are lies or we have an unsellable house that people like because it’s so conveniently located to everything (like easy interstate access!), but is terrible because it’s close enough to hear that it’s conveniently located near the interstate.

So we won’t get it sold before we need to close on our other house, so we have to get some gap/bridge financing, which is yet another round of paperwork. Hooray. And more banks and credit checking and so many documents, so we can own two houses at the same time.

And all of the uncertainty is definitely fueling even worse dreams of everyone in the family dying on the same day. It’s usually me bleeding to death during an unwarranted c-section to deliver a stillborn baby, and then Jeremy in a car wreck  on the way to get home because someone’s broken into the house and killed whoever was watching Lena and then kidnapped Lena. It’s awesome. Sleeping so well.

Anyway, next on the list: making appointments in the new town before school starts, so that Lena has the immunization paperwork in order. Wheeeeeeee. And making my appointments at one of the two obgyn practices. I’m going to try the one that’s not all older white dudes first.

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Dreams

Waking up Lena, after a night of my poor sleep, where I had dreams of volcanoes and plane crashes:
Me: Good morning!
Lena: Good morning. My brain was full of sharks.

Snorts

I got up one chilly morning this week, in a hurry, and heard Lena sniffling to herself in bed. I went in and asked, "What’s wrong, honey?" She squirmed around in bed, nose stuffed up, trying to breathe heavily in through just her nose, looked at me with tears nearly filling her eyes, "My snorts aren’t coming out!"
She was cold and couldn’t breathe through her nose. Poor snorts. Warmed her up and fixed those snorts!

Imaginary friends

Lena has imaginary friends.
– Miss Neck-a-lace: her younger brother, who looks like Lena, and likes to play with Lena. He is smaller than she is. His birthday is 2015. He lives in "Jambouti"
– Caylan: There are two of these. One is her younger sister that likes to play around, play dress up. The other is Lena’s baby and is a boy. They also live in "Jambouti".

Paris, day 1 thoughts.

  • I’m staying across from a meat shop and next to a children’s toy shop. And corner to a Starbucks. Of course.
  • When I exited the metro, after nodding off on the train, I was undure of where to go for my hotel, and maps wouldn’t load, but I caught sight of the side street’s name on the butcher’s shop awning and headed that way, like I was a pro at this. Meat (and Google street view), to the rescue!
  • Arrows to indicate "keep going this way" point down and, at CDG, they are next to stairwells that only go down from that level. I went down many stairwells trying to exit that airport.
  • I was shakey, but needed to find money and food, and walked all over to find a particular creperie, only to find it closed today (and tomorrow, because tomorrow is sunday). I was angry with the world and hungry and disappointed, and walked some more, getting lost down the side streets with many lights still up, and found some sort of creperie center. I had a gallette filled with cheeses (imagine a plate with goat cheese, roquefort, and some other kind of cheese melted on it, plus a buckwheat crepe on the plate), and a large glass of dry rose wine (the smallest they sold, but after not eating for 10 hours, it hit me fast), and some ice cream (because I was still a little shakey and light headed.)
  • Then I felt like I could take on anything.
  • So I walked around some more. I’m glad I started the walk out of the hotel by getting lost, because it helped me recognize things on the way back. It’s a very lovely city, and I’ve been finding my way around pretty easily.
  • Indiana Cafe has many kinds of tacos and bbq on the menu, but no breaded tenderloin. No pork of any kind, that I could see.
  • My seatmate on the way over was very nice. Thought it was a shame that first class wasn’t full. I barely slept. I did watch Senna, which I really enjoyed.
  • I’m tired. I need to sleep.

Conversation

When Lena’s quiet at dinner when we ask about her day (instead of the usual “saw Ms. Aurora, saw Jayna Bayna, saw Izzybell, saw Alice, saw Cooper”), we often ask her about her day in yes/no questions. Today:

Did you join a biker gang? *yes*
Did they give you a biker name? *yes*
What is your biker name? *silence*
If you told us, would you have to kill us? *yeah*

Did you perform a tracheotomy? *yes*
Was it a necessary tracheotomy? *silence*
Was it an unnecessary tracheotomy? *nod*
Did you perform it with an ice pick? *no*
Did you perform it with a pen? *yeah*
Did you do rhinoplasty today? *yes*
Was it on you or someone else? *somebody else*
Was it after a bar brawl? *yeah*
Did you use a hammer? *yes*
Did you use a screwdriver? *yes*
Did they live? *yeah*
Did they need to go to the hospital afterward? *nod* *They went in ambulance*

They went in an ambulance? *yeah, with Auntie Georgia*
Did you get a tattoo? *yeah*
Where did you get a tattoo? *on my… leg* (puts her chicken on her leg, holds it there, removes it, and then inspects the spot where it was to see if there’s a tattoo)